For the past few years, Joe had been constantly pressuring me for sex.If I objected, he would say, "But you're my wife," and continue."Listen to me," the wise voice said, "I get calls from nice women like you all week long. I'll change the password on your husband's account and give it to you. If he's telling you the truth, fine, go back to him.But if he isn't, leave the jerk." I stayed up all night reading Joe's emails — and I descended into the world of a stranger.At first, he was vague, saying he didn't recall emailing her. I could see that in the past year, someone had been looking at a lot of porn — and all the dates corresponded with our visits.I refreshed his memory with details from her Website. The records also revealed exactly when and for how long each site had been surfed and the dizzying number of return visits that had been made.And while our marriage might be okay right now if I didn't know about Joe's secret, the fact was, I did know — and nothing would be the same again. I weighed 30 pounds more than I had when we got married.
I had joked with my girlfriends that my shy, sweet husband didn't know how to put his feelings into words, but I hadn't realized how tragically true that would turn out to be.
Porn offered Joe a "relationship" with zero emotional exposure.
I was finally forced to see our marriage and our sex life for what it had become: a sham.
The sites had names like Sextracker and Sex Hunter, and there were numerous escort services.
The images were disturbing: not the kind of airbrushed photos you might see in I was aghast — and ashamed.