It’s not custom now to meet people randomly anymore.As I began dating, I left out my ostomy on the first date. If a second date emerged, I started telling people on the second date.My thoughts were that if they were going to have an issue with it, I’d rather know early on before I start having feelings.I also never heard from these men either, which may not have had anything to do with my ostomy. No one has ever flat out told me it was because of it.I’m lucky that I can laugh at it now and take it as a learning experience.I went on a few dates like the one I mentioned above and needless to say, I never heard back from any of those men. Once I started gaining weight back, becoming more confident with my ostomy, and regaining my self-esteem, I went on a dating site.
Obviously when a guy touches your waist; he is going to feel the pouch. I was nervous that he was going to completely shut me down.I was trying to manage my illness while dealing with self-esteem and chronic pain issues.I tried dating but couldn’t focus on the relationship.I had been seeing a guy on and off for a few months.We were “on” when I was admitted to the hospital and while I was inpatient for a month.So this guy I was dating, after a few dates, we began getting closer physically and I felt it was the appropriate time to share it with him. When I told him, I was vague, just saying that I had a chronic illness, had some surgeries and now I have a pouch on my abdomen. If he says yes, it usually helps the conversation flow better.I felt that we could possibly lead into a relationship. I don’t like to get into too much detail right away. So for this guy, when I told him, he just said okay and that it didn’t bother him.One night, as we were kissing, he rubbed my waist and clearly was rubbing all up on my ostomy.I playfully pushed him away without saying anything about it.The last two guys I dated, I waited awhile before I told them.The first guy was going great and we were really enjoying each other’s company.He came often to the hospital to see me but I was so embarrassed.Mostly because of the weight I was losing and how sick I looked.Dating is hard enough as it is without having to tell someone about your ostomy.