May feel anger at an unavailable non-custodial parent that prevents a strong adult relationship Tend to express feelings of sadness, fear, and anger.
They are less likely to blame themselves, but more likely to feel divided loyalties.
Other studies have shown about half of the behavioral, achievement, and emotional problems seen in boys from divorced families could be identified as early as four year prior to the divorce. Thus, the same factors that led to the divorce have likely already had a negative impact on children when the divorce actually occurs.
There seem to be three key areas to understanding how children will adjust in any specific case. Whiteside and Becker, in the March 2000 Journal of Family Psychology, note that what seems to matter most is helping children adjust in the two years after the divorce is for the children to experience an Authoritative style of parenting.
Divorce does not appear to have consistent effects across all children and across all ages.
Older children may be more sensitive to family conflict and feel more pressure to intervene, which could increase their risk for problems, but they also have more emotional resources to help them cope, which could decrease their risk.
Now that I'm nearing the end of the divorce process (it's a marathon — not a sprint!
), I'm starting to reflect on the things I wish I had done differently or, perhaps, the things I wish I had known before getting a divorce, period.
This kind of parenting is marked by good flexibility but good consistency, coupled with emotional warmth.My daughter was just turning 3 when her dad and I split, and no matter how often I googled toddlers and divorce, there wasn't a ton of information on how she might be affected by the experience.I ended up pushing for her to try play therapy, and when my ex agreed, we had her attend for a while.They are better able to use extra-familial support.There is some support for placing children with their same-sex parent for best adjustment Tend to have the most difficulties in adapting to step-parenting and remarriage; may challenge family rules and regulations, and throw back “You’re not my real father/mother” during conflict.There’s a lot of research out these days on children of divorce after they grow up.However, if you review some of the key research published regarding adjustment of children during and soon after a divorce, you’ll find a lot of confusion.Bray and Kelly discuss several very important considerations to helping children adjust after divorce: The attachment between both the custodial and non-custodial parent and child can suffer as a result of the emotional negativity, inconsistent structure within and across homes, and rejection and loss that often occur soon after divorce.Several attachment styles can be seen: Parents of both the Avoidant and Ambivalent children can, after the stress of a difficult marriage and/or divorce, turn to their children for emotional support.It was the best choice to make, but it would have been great had I known of the potential issues she might have had and the ways to help our child through it ahead of time.The reality is no one can predict how a divorce will impact your kids.Don't use friends for legal advice — meaning, don't hire a friend to handle the divorce even though your friend will cut you a break financially. My ex and I started out this way, and the friend was truly lovely and magnanimous at heart to want to help two broke people divorce, but we ended up switching counsel (to mediators) for various reasons, which derailed finalizing the divorce. Some of it stems from the confusion that occurs between the child’s age at the divorce and the child’s age when problems develop.