Other abused people stay because they believe that is the proper thing to do, given their religious or cultural background.Some practicing Catholic people, for example, believe that divorce is a bad thing to be avoided at most all costs.They might say to themselves, "If it was just me, I'd leave this marriage, but my children will be better off coming from an intact home than from a divorced one".
They may believe that they are so damaged that they would only pick another abusive partner anyway so why not stay with this one?The abuser will swear, "It will never happen again" and may shower the victim with gifts and demands that the victim forgive him or her.There may be so-called "makeup sex" which can be quite pleasurable and provide the victim with a sense that he or she is valued, and really loved. The second question, "Why Do Adults Stay In Abusive Relationships? Partners in abusive relationships have varying reasons for remaining in them.A first layer of the reasons for staying in an abusive relationship is practical, even if they are not always rational.They may be motivated to put up with a lot of spousal abuse because the alternative is to go against the teachings of their church.Still other abused people may rationalize staying in abusive relationships because they think it is the right thing to do for their children.In this context, victims often rationalize that they aren't really being abused, that their partner really loves them despite being abusive and that makes it okay, that the abuse really isn't all that bad, and other similar statements.Victims are motivated to generate excuses their abuser, to think of each abuse episode as a "one time" thing (even when it isn't), and to focus on the good aspects of the relationship (particularly those positive things that during the guilt/latency phase of the abuse cycle) and convince themselves that the relationship is really a good one and that everyone has some problems in a relationship, i.e., my partner just occasionally loses his/her temper when really stressed at work, etc.If they don't threaten to kill or harm the victim or the children, they may threaten to harm themselves, and by so doing, guilt the victim into feeling sympathy for them and then staying to prevent the threatened suicide from happening.The combination of internal self-esteem deficit, intermittent actual abuse, makeup sex or other positive attention obtained in the wake of abuse episodes, and escalating threats when the victim tries to get away is enough to convince many victims to stay put.However, regardless of the truth of any of these rationalizations, the believe that they are true is more powerful than whether or not they are really true.A second layer of reasons for why people stay in abusive relationships is uncovered by learning about the so-called "cycle of abuse." In a typical instance of domestic abuse (where one partner is abusive towards the other), abuse tends to occur periodically (cyclically), rather than constantly (all the time).Some abused people feel they cannot leave their relationships because they are economically dependent on them.