In my job, I found that when I gave too much and didn’t establish enough boundaries, people did not give me credit for my accomplishments.Because I did not value myself, they did not notice all that I had done.As I began to set limits and ask for help when I needed it, people began to notice and appreciate my contributions.According to the Power of Positivity, when you are being too nice to others, you develop unrealistic expectations for them to do the same.According to Stillman, when you are too nice you will attract people who are needy and manipulative.These people see an opportunity to take advantage of you, because you have not established boundaries with them. I would spend hours “supporting” friends on Facebook, to the point where I was not getting enough sleep.I backed down from my requests if they inconvenienced anyone else.And my free time was spent giving, giving and giving.
At times, I would offer to help the person get themself organized so that they could help themself, or I would refer them to other people and resources. I would always put others before myself, and do everything in my power to appease those around me.I volunteered to do the bulk of the work for projects at my job.It just means that your needs are important as well.I thought that people would like me better and see me as more valuable if I gave as much as I could. Those around us will value us as much as we value ourselves.If we want to be more kind and giving, we actually need to be a little LESS “nice.”Here are some bad things that happen when you are too nice: In the article, “5 Ways Being Too Nice Can Become Negative,” published on The Power of Positivity, the author states that if you don’t set boundaries, you will be viewed as a doormat and taken advantage of.Valuing yourself, making sure your needs are met, and establishing limits does not mean that you do not have sympathy for those around you.When they do not meet these expectations, you may become angry and resentful. I would go above and beyond for any of my friends, and I took it personally when they were not willing to do the same for me.What I did not understand was that they were taking care of their own needs, and that it was my responsibility to do the same for myself.According to the Power of Positivity, when you are busy taking care of everyone else, you will forget to be kind to yourself.This can lead to your basic needs not being met, and spiral into depression and burn-out.You are likely to be met with mistrust, which will lead to difficulties in establishing relationships.I found that before I learned to establish boundaries, I was never truly accepted into the group, both at work at in my social interactions.We all want to be selfless, but in neglecting our own needs, we diminish our ability to do so.